WOOHOO!!!!

It is raining
...pouring
with a chance of thunderstorms, oh what a glorious deluge!

Christmas Time is Here

It is upon us, once again, the time of festivities, of joy we seem to lose over the course of the following year. The time so filled with cheer and joy, gratitude and grace. A time of blessing and being blessed, when laughter surrounds us, and friends and family are near. When we are filled with hope and love. But for many it is not only a time of merriment, but a time of stark remembrance.
For this time is not a naive bliss of merry and light, because inevitably the times of greatest happiness, of most fervent joy, are when we most strongly feel the absence of love lost. It is now we feel the tug of our hearts missing another in greater measure, and it is this time when laughter is halted by a thought of the way things should be, and those who should be here.
We remember those lost to us. Those who we parted with in relief of their suffering, those with long lives to celebrate, those who fought tragic battles and left a legacy for family to follow. Of those who were taken suddenly and tragically, wrenched from us before we could let go, those too young and too loved to leave...but however their going, they are gone. And here we are, this time is here again, but this time a love is missing and only a memory remains.
And this is not morose or unfounded grief, but a recognition that even the most glorious blessing and joy is so blessed because of a suffering that makes it so. And the presence of happiness reminds us of the absence of it, the feelings of joy remind us of sorrows...we remember but are not overcome.
This Christmas I am with family, I will see friends...some, but not all.
There have been many partings among us over these past few years, more than I would like to count, but in my heart I will remember each with a specific joyful memory. And for a moment be filled with missing, and a wish for them to be here, and a memory of a time they were. But I will turn, with a new love and joy for those who are here, and be all the more blessed for their presence and for this time in which they are here.
For some grief is still very near, so for them we remember and pray:
For joy to meet them in sorrow,
For blessing to meet them in missing,
For love to meet them in love lost.

May this Christmas find you counting your blessings.

Here am I

Here am I, where are you?
In what distant and unreachable space
Are you held captive and afar
From dreams and hopes and futures
These things can never be.

And here am I, wishing for you
Until I can be freed from this place
But I am held fast and bound
Life by which this planet's gravity keeps
That which arrests me.

And here am I, remembering you
Breaking from confines of reality
Holding a memory of joy
Once you were here in my love
Though it be all that lives on.

Here am I, where are you?

Now

It is here
The place where reason
And action
Become the proof.

This is when
Time and thought merge
It happens
Facing a decision.

Good Bye Margot Rose

I'm sorry...Speaking seems a futile effort,
I'm sorry...Even as sound leaves my lips.
I'm sorry...My tears can not help your pain,
I'm sorry...They can not ease your broken heart.
I'm sorry...My thoughts will not formulate to words,
I'm sorry...I do not even know where to begin.
I'm sorry...My heart screams to communicate,
I'm sorry...But all I am able to say is "I'm sorry."

Prayer for Margot Rose

Stop--A devastating point.
What?
Beat--I must have skipped one.
No.
Breathe--I have forgotten how.
Oh, God.
Sit--Strength has been sapped.
Help.
Silent--Words are inadequate.
Oh, God.
Wait--impossible to move.
Please,
Pray--a desperate utterance.
mercy.

Beseeching the Father, on behalf of baby Margot Rose.
Thus far, no change in the swelling of her brain...and she is non-responsive. Lord, we ask for a miracle, a touch of your hand on this young one.
:Updates to come:

.long time no see.

hi. it's me. just a wretched sinner, one of millions. i'm still searching for grace, for peace, for love. i know i'm far from perfect, and i never expect to be more than wayward, but i'm slowly making my way home. my journey may seem misguided, and often times it is because i was never great at stopping to ask for directions, and sometimes i get stuck in my own way--ok, i get stuck a lot. sometimes no one can help me get out of my own mess, sometimes i feel totally lost and "out of the service area," sometimes i break down frustrated by the hazards along the way, or i face obstacles i feel incapable to overcoming and try to find someway around them. i've have had to cross perilous bridges, build a few, and have burned others...sometimes i am as hazardous my surroundings. i learn slowly, but i am learning. some days you will find me determined, confident, self-assured...other times, not so much. i get discouraged, and so i greatly rely on my traveling companions, without whom the progress down this road would be impossible. i have be lead to water by some, and onto detours by others, some walk beside you for awhile, some pass you by, others sit waiting for a hand out, some sit with you for a time. today i'm plodding, not trudging, not running, just making my way, i may not be as focused as i am determined, by i know my general heading, and that's where i'm going. one foot in front of the other...one step at a time. you can walk with me, we can share experiences, and stories, mistakes and lessons, fears and joys, roadblocks and junctions, hopes, goals and dreams. i don't know how exactly the road will look up ahead, but i'm going, i hope to share some of the journey with you...maybe someday i can encourage you as i've been by others. But you'll find me, heading this way...and as to the Finish, well, i hope i'll see you there! until then, i'll be searching along the way.